How to be yourself? We often search for this question on google. We often hear from the world like be what you are, be yourself, be original, don’t try to be something you cannot be and don’t fake it.
There are certain factors in life due to which sometimes we tend to be someone else. Let’s analyse what these factors are.
Why we tend to shy away with our own self?
1) Changing World. The world is changing fast and we don’t know how to match the speed of the changing world. Therefore, at times when we are confused whether to be like this or like that, we lose yourself.
For example, you see everyone in the world is using costly iPhone and to match the trends you too try to buy a costly iPhone even if it’s not in the budget. Because of this the hard earned money may get wasted or there have been cases where people have committed crimes just for the sake of owning a costly possession.
2) Influence. Sometimes we try influence other people and make them believe that you are not what they think of you. You try to make extra efforts in being like other people, but you don’t enjoy that and because of this confusion you lose yourself.
For example, you might try to impress anyone with fake accent. Because you are faking, the person who knows the actual accent can immediately make out that you are doing wrong.
3) Expectations. Sometimes due to expectations of people you tend go away from your actual self. To meet the expectations of family and friends, you forget that this is not you.
For example, you try to do your best for the family. But sometimes your family expects that from your next business trip you are going to bring lots of gifts. This raise in expectation gives you a panic attack and you tend to lose yourself either by buying unnecessary stuff or getting irritated. The entire loss is yours and it’s you who gets affected by this most.
What are the affects of faking your personality?
1) Bad Image. Because of not being yourself or true to yourself, you get highlighted in-front of the people as dual personality. People see you as a fake personality and because of this they try to avoid you.
For example, just to be cool you said to your gang that you like to party a lot and can handle the drinks easily. But in reality when party happens and people sees the real you and see that you were lying that you can handle the drinks, they set a bad image of you in their mind. This image is too tough to be changed and equally tough is to accept you in the gang.
2) Wrong company. Because of not being to yourself, you might end up in a wrong company where people can take undue advantage of yours.
For instance, you want to show people, how cool is doing drugs! You forget that it’s not real you and you might end up in jail for your entire life, but still just to prove to other people you go in the wrong direction. Problem- you might get addicted to drugs, lose all your money, get landed in jail or even face death.
3) Relationship Fail. If you are not true to yourself, you might have to lose your loved ones. You might end up hurting the people who care for you.
For instance: you see other people that how badly they behave with their wife. You don’t like this behaviour of them, but there is possibility that you might start behaving like them. Thus, from being a nice loving guy, you become a guy full of hatred. You start coming home late like others, you shout unnecessarily and you stop caring for them. Results! your loved ones will end up leaving you and hurting you just because of not being to true to yourself.
1) Don’t rush. Just don’t rush into anything flashy that comes towards you. See the things, analyse them, see what’s in it for you and make the judgement. Don’t rush, take your time and then make a move. Ask questions! Ask yourself, ask family members, ask your wife, ask your teacher, mentor, professor, doctor, anyone…..Ask ME!!.WHY? HOW? WHAT? WHERE? You will get the answers.
For example, If you see people buying this costly iPhone and you also gets tempted by it, follow these steps –
a) Breathe. Breath in and Breath out. Take 10 deep breaths in and out.
b) This will clear your mind. Now see where are you standing? Observe the surroundings. Do you see any rat race happening at your place?
You say No!
c) Then sit down and ask QUESTIONS:
Why do you need this much costly phone?Is it because of the world or is it because you actually need it! Sit. Relax. Decide!
Got your answer?
What you are going to do with this phone? Does these high end features matter to you! Or you are going to just play Pokemon? 😉 . Sit. Relax. Decide.
How are you going to pay for this phone? Do you have enough budget!, Do you have any other priority like kids school fees or wife’s birthday party or a gift for mom! Sit. Relax. Decide.
Where can you utilise this much money or even partial money? Consider the price, brand, features. If you are getting same specifications in the same price, wouldn’t that phone a better choice!, May be you can save money and utilise it on paying your loans or put it under your savings! Sit. Relax. Decide.
2) Be Content. Yes, be content for what you have. God has given you enough to survive. You don’t need to show off and be fake to anyone. You live for yourself and on your conditions, just because of impressing someone don’t plan for the unnecessary and expensive possessions.
3) Values Inherited by You. Check within yourself and ask what are your morals and values you have been standing all over your life. What are the teachings of your parents and teachers that made you a better person. I am sure this bling bling and shiny world is not enough to break your values. Value your values and you will be yourself.
4) Inner Peace. Check within yourself and ask what are the conflicts you are facing that are shaking you to become a person you are not meant to be. Try to talk to people and resolve your internal conflicts. There is nothing in this world that cannot be shared or resolved. Try to get answers. Be in peace with your inner-self.
5) Stop Criticising Yourself. Yes, have a belief that you are good in every-way and be positive about yourself. Being positive will make you confident and people will like this actual you. For every-work you do, give your 100% and say to yourself, this day is going to be the best day ever. People who criticises you should not be given any attention.
6) Meditate. Yes, when in doubt, close your eyes and meditate. You will get your answers. It will help in clearing your mind and focus on important real world issues. It is due to the lack of focus that we seek pleasure somewhere else and tend to become someone else. Once you get back your focus, you will be real you and happy you.
7) Gratitude. Yes, this is the most powerful tool that lots of people underestimate. Why because they tend to forget the blessings and positivism what one get after greeting someone, saying thank you to all the people and thank god for everything. Show gratitude to all the important people in your life and they won’t let you go anywhere else. In the lovable company you will be always yourself. Gather blessings and thank God everyday and tell god that you are thankful for this day and you are going to make this day an awesome day.
8) Be realistic, don’t try to please everyone. Yes, keep only quality friends and don’t try to please anyone you see. Keep the important ones intact by showering love and care on them. Furthermore, if you try to please everyone, you may end loosing the real ones. You cannot meet everyone’s expectations and it is perfectly OK. It’s your life and you make decisions to please yourself not just any other person. Once you know that you cannot please everyone, you will be yourself
9) Keep you sense of humour intact. Yes, don’t just be that guy who doesn’t laugh and play because of his ego. Laugh out loud, play around, be childish and let people know your killer sense of humour. Furthermore, once people sees the real you, you won’t bother yourself to live like others and they will want to be like you instead.
10) Don’t be selfish. Yes, don’t just live for yourself. Help others and let people see the real you. The more you showcase yourself as a good person, the more people will change perception for you. Once you see the world respecting the real you, I am sure you wouldn’t want to change that. Everyone wants enjoy the company of selfless and true person.
These are the top 10 ways I thought might be helpful in knowing the real you. Please let me know your comments if you want to add any points. I will make sure to add them in my next article with your name in it.
Be Awesome. Cheers.
Be Yourself! Everyone else is already taken